Domestic Violence Information for Lesbian, Transgender and Bisexual Women Is Your Relationship Making You Feel Confused, Nervous, or Scared? Are You a Lesbian or a Woman Who Is Intimate with Other Women? Do you feel like you have to watch what you say or do around your partner? Do you ever feel afraid of her? Do you feel your relationship is either great or awful-but never just okay? Has She Ever: Told you who you could see or where you could go? Told you what to wear? Told you how you should spend your money? Gotten in the way of your medical care? Threatened you physically? Pushed you, hit you, or held you down? Threatened to tell someone that you're gay? Forced you to have sex in unwanted ways or against your will? Refused to have safer sex? Disrespected your "safe words" or violated the boundaries of a "scene" (for example: S/M, Leather, Role Playing) If you answered yes to any of these questions, your partner may be abusive. You are not alone. Talk to someone who can help. No one deserves to be abused. Living with domestic violence is not easy. It can be hard to talk to the person you love about how she is hurting you. Call AVP's 24-hour bilingual hotline (Spanish/English): (212) 714-1141 Different Kinds of Abuse Can Happen in Relationships Abuse can include physical, emotional, sexual, or economic abuse, as well as threats, intimidation, and isolation. For women in same-sex relationships, a partner may also use the weapons of heterosexism and homophobia and threaten to "out" you in situations where you are not out. Abuse in a relationship is called domestic violence, and it happens in same-sex relationships as often as it does in heterosexual relationships. Domestic violence is when one partner coerces, dominates, or isolates the other partner. Domestic violence is about power and control. It is not about love. Domestic violence happens in every part of our community, to women of every race, ethnicity, class, age, ability or disability, education level, and religion. Domestic violence is a crime. Know Your Rights Victims of same-sex domestic violence can obtain an Order of Protection. This is a court order that forbids the abusive partner from further threatening or harming the victim/survivor. The police must treat cases of same-sex domestic violence the same way that they treat heterosexual domestic violence. This means that abusive partners can be arrested. There Are Different Kinds of Abuse Physical abuse: Hitting, choking, slapping, burning, shoving, hitting with objects/using a weapon, or restraining. Restricting freedom: Controlling whom you can see, what groups or organizations you can be in, what you can read or know about, what movies you can see, where you can go. Emotional abuse: Criticizing you, humiliating you, lying to you, neglecting you, causing you to feel degraded. Threats and intimidation: Threatening to harm children, family, friends, or pets. Threatening to report your orientation, HIV or citizenship status to the authorities or others. Economic abuse: Taking control of your money or stealing it, running up debts, making you dependent against your will. Sexual abuse: Forcing sex or certain sex acts, forcing sex with others, assaulting parts of your body, withholding sex, criticizing sexual performance, refusing safer sex, disrespecting "safe words" or violating boundaries of a "scene." Destruction of property: Damaging personal objects or clothing, overturning or breaking furniture, vandalizing the home, throwing or smashing things, destroying clothes. HIV-related abuse: Getting in the way of medical treatment, withholding medications, destroying important documents, threatening to reveal HIV status to friends, family, employers, immigration or governmental authorities. Heterosexist control: Threatening to "out" you to others in situations where you have chosen not to come out or feel it is unsafe to do so. AVP Can Help in Many Ways The Anti-Violence Project has helped many women who have experienced domestic violence. We specialize in working with women who are abused or sexually assaulted by their female partners. If you or anyone you know has been the victim of a crime, including domestic violence, a bias crime, rape or sexual assault, HIV/AIDS-related violence, police misconduct, or a pick-up crime, call AVP. We can help. Our services include: 24-hour hotline (English and Spanish): (212) 714-1141 Short-term individual counseling Support groups Information and referrals Escort to, and advocacy with, the police Escort to the hospital Assistance filing for Crime Victims Board compensation claims Assistance in obtaining Orders of Protection Court monitoring Legal advice and referrals Advocacy with other service agencies All services are free and confidential. Call AVP's 24-hour bilingual hotline (Spanish/English): (212) 714-1141